January 31, 2023

A number of fall and winter diseases have infiltrated our homes. It’s the season after all. I was in the emergency room with my favorite oldest daughter early Wednesday morning as she was suffering from cluster headaches. Right now my dearest youngest daughter has come home from school, is in bed with a stomach problem, and my dearest eldest son has just come back after taking his brother to school. When he woke up he felt bad, but when he took action his head started pounding, he returned home and is now back in bed. Cold and flu season is here, and I mean right here.

I went to the orthopedist yesterday. I had a meniscus repair a few years ago and should have addressed it when I first felt pain. Instead, I carried on like a testosterone-poisoned man, trying to push myself through, hoping I would get on the other side of the pain and be pain-free. Well, the surgical procedure only lasted a few months after he realized there was no other side to get through to.

A similar pain is now in the other 50% of my knees and I went to the doctor after a short while having learned my lesson. He took X-rays, examined it thoroughly and said, “I think you have a sore knee.” I said, “Yes. That’s why I’m here.” “No,” he said. “I can’t fault that. When was the last time you stretched after exercise?” “Oh,” I said, “maybe last year or the year before. “Go home and stretch and let me know.” So I did and no knee pain today. “Don’t forget how old you and your knees are,” he said as I got up to walk, and then he said “hey, let me check your prostate.” I’m just kidding, he didn’t actually say that.

Last night at 2am my wife sent me to the kitchen for Advil. A mysterious foot pain surfaced in the middle of the night and thankfully has disappeared since this morning and our dog Lucy started limping after a long walk over the weekend. At the moment there is only one of us living here who is not suffering from any disease, but it is only a matter of time. He’ll soon catch “something’s wrong with me” fever when he sees his siblings missing all of school. Understandably, he also wants to be a part of it.

I’m a pro vaxer. Covid, covid boosters, flu shots every year for well over a decade. I will make an appointment for a shingles shot when I find time on my calendar. Vaccines won’t help my knees or my wife’s foot, but if there was one I would get it. I’m pro-science, it’s good stuff. But until then, if you see me or any of my family members, stay away. We are all in pain, in a bad mood, or contagious, or all of them together. Avoid us. Just get close enough to make a casserole. We’re hooking up a fridge on the porch so you don’t have to ring the bell.

I’m Cam Marston and I’m just trying to keep it real.

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